Wednesday, March 5, 2025

Color-Keyed Outlines & Structures are Essential

Outlines and Structure are Helpful

Color-Keyed Outlines & Structures are Essential

I'm in the process of adapting my 373K word historical novel to a 24K word Young Readers edition. I always outline. It can make writing the manuscript boring because I know what's going to happen. Although I think it's better than writing by the seat of my pants and 4 days before the manuscript is due to the publisher, I discover that my hero is killed in a gun battle and I have no ending.


The above graphic on my display is the outline for a 24,000 word Young Readers edition. Each colorful vertical rectangle (which contains six blocks) is a chapter of 800 words. I'll use Scrivener to target the word count. There are 30 chapters (x800 = 24,000)


In each chapter rectangle, the GREEN block at the top articulates the POV character's physical goal for that chapter. The ORANGE block is the conflict encountered when attempting to achieve that goal. The RED block is the disaster that happens when the conflict is not resolved (it is never resolved until the last chapter...and I see I need to change the color of those blocks in last two chapters, they're still red in this picture and the one below.) The PINK blocks are the POV character's emotional reaction and internal debate, and the BLUE box is the tragic consequence and cliff hanger that drives the reader into the next chapter.


Each column of one or two chapters is a classical dramatic beat in the story, and there are three major disasters in addition to the smaller ones in each chapter. This format ensures an engaging, emotional roller coaster for the reader. There are 19 chapter beats (plus 3 major turning points), 30 chapters, 800 words each, and 24,000 words total.

Left to Right apps I use: Powerpoint for Pitch deck, Scrivener and Word for text, and at the far right, Keynote for graphic outlines and plotting story beats (Keynote is the Mac Power Point)

Above is my writing set up of two Power Mac displays. As I flesh out the detail of the outline blocks on the right I reference my pitch deck (of character profiles, chronology, and scene summaries, along with the long form manuscript) on the left display. From here I'll open up Scrivener and start writing, one Scrivener document per chapter. After the novel is written and the chapters (Scrivener documents) are in order, I'll export to M.S. Word and finish up there before submission to a publisher. Or, if I self publish the M.S. Word document will be imported into Adobe's InDesign for finishing.

Yes, I'll make changes to the outline as I progress. But there's no frustration, writer's block, or second guessing, and I'll not revise the story 6-8 times to get it right.

New Editions for pre-readers, Young Readers, and a new Trilogy will be forthcoming later this year. A few original editions are still available at Amazon, and e-books available just about everywhere else.

Tuesday, February 18, 2025

Why Would an Adult Read Children's Books


Budding painters copy great works of art. Aspiring olympians emulate the regimen of gold medalists. Mathematic students recalculate centuries old proofs. 

Writers read.

My historical novel, Wizard Clip Haunting (WCH), was written for adults and mature teens. But it was long—too long for most—372,000 words. I argued it was shorter than Gone with the Wind (392K), The Road to Reality (490K words), or Atlas Shrugged (690K), but that didn't matter. The new edition from Defiance Press will be a trilogy, the three averaging 126K. Yet, in the age of Twitter (now X) it appears that anything longer than 280 characters is going to be a challenge.

Barnes &  Noble Novi, MI (1/3 of the Young Readers section.)
Another challenge caught my attention: Can Wizard Clip Haunting be told to children? The director of a children's museum in the vicinity of the historic events asked me that. Sure, I said recklessly.  

The local Barnes and Nobel introduced me to the hundreds (okay, thousands) of books for "Young Readers"ages 8-12. 

What was most popular I asked? The clerk led me to the long shelf of the Goosebumps series. I had heard of that, but 300 million printed? I didn't know kids read that much. 

Okay so WCH is about ghosts (thus Goosebumps), but it's also about American History, at least the events in the 1780-1790 era, EarlyAmerica. I was directed to another collection of best selling American History books for Young Readers, the Rush Revere series.

These two successful Young Readers series couldn't be much different. The Goosebumps books (genre: horror & adventure) are 5" x 7.5" x 0.375", paperback, weigh in at 4 oz, printed on ground-wood stock, contain no illustrations, and are about 15K words.  The Rush Revere books (genre: history & humor) are 6" x 8.5" x 0.75", hard cover, weight in a 1 lb, 4 oz, printed on heavy glossy stock, contain many full page color illustrations, and are just under 40K words.  

Yes,  you're guessing right. I've not only committed to writing a Young Readers edition of WCH—15K to 20K with B&W illustrations but also to a pre-school version—2K words with color illustrations perhaps like these:


A close friend who is responsible for getting me into this rabbit hole (hint: he used to do root canals), has already drafted a poetic, 1000 word pre-school reader for the latter. 

Now, all l've got to do is read these source books, learn to think like a kid, and after reading...write, write, write.

Any suggestions? I'm going to need them. Please comment below.

Stan




Tuesday, February 4, 2025

How to Kill a Bad Guy

 

Hans Gruber meets his fate in Die Hard
Mary Conneally (https://www.maryconnealy.com/) is one of my favorite authors.  Years ago (June 18, 2010 to be exact) we exchanged emails about her book "Petticoat Ranch" that I had just read. I was dissatisfied that she didn't draw-and-quarter the bad guy. But then I knew she could not, as she writes Christian Romantic Comedy in the Cowboy era. She's authored beyond 100 novels, turns them out like flapjacks at a church pancake breakfast.

So, she's limited in how she can kill the bad guys...I mean it's got to be a comedy suitable for Christian readers. Here's what she wrote to me:

I'm sorry I didn't kill Judd off, very bloodthirsty of you, but I know what you mean. I did stab a stake through his leg and I PROMISE YOU he was hanged, so rest easy. :)

I've killed a few villains in my day. Read Cowboy Christmas if you want a bad guy who is particularly dead at the end.  Deader than dead.

I've made two notes of how bad guys die in fiction, movies, books, whatever.

First is the 'Good bad guy' syndrome. The good bad guys tend to die while the bad bad guys go to prison. The moral there? Prison is worse than death???

And second, when the bad bad guy DOES die, you can judge how bad he is by the number of times he died.

  • Shot through the heart. Bad.
  • Shot through the heart, stumble back into an electric grid and be electrocuted, very bad.
  • Shot through the heart, stumble back into an electric grid and be electrocuted, then fall six stories, very horribly bad.
  • Shot through the heart, stumble back into an electric grid and be electrocuted, then fall six stories and land on a highway and get run over by a semi, miserably ugly viciously bad.
  • Shot through the heart, stumble back into an electric grid and be electrocuted, then fall six stories and land on a highway and get run  over by a semi, which overturns and explodes...

Well, you get the progression.

Mary's email reminds me of the ending of James Bond and Indian Jones movies ... and Die Hard (the ultimate Christmas movie) where there always seems one-more villain, one-more time, who needs to be killed off.

How about some comments? What are the best ways to kill off a villain? Or, what movies kill off the same villain multiple times...please list the ways. We need to create a list of the Top 10 Villain Deaths.

Master Class in Storycraft Structure - Now FREE

 BIG ANNOUNCEMENT


Dear Storytellers, Screenwriters, and Novelists:

Please pass this on to others who may be interested. 

I have just moved my popular Master Class, Storycraft Training, from PPV Vimeo to YouTube and Rumble. The 12 Lessons are now available for free, although you'll have to wade through an occasional ad.

Disclaimer: I'm still slogging through copyright and content issues with YouTube, thus a couple lessons will link you to Rumble with no ads. Bear with me on the ads, I need income to provide this content. 

Bookmark this page, it's the only place where the lessons appear in order with links and lesson objectives.

Storycraft Training Link

For those who have purchased the training in the past,  THANK YOU for your support, the files you downloaded should still work. You will notice the 25 video episodes have been edited together into just 12 lessons; so access to each is easier.

If something doesn't work, in spite of my testing, please write me immediately, so I can fix it.  Or, if you have general questions, feel free to write.  For specifics on a project, I'm available for consulting. See this link: Moral Premise Story Consulting

Stan's email: stan@moralpremise.com

stan williams

https://stanwilliams.com








Wednesday, September 25, 2024

All Good Stories Contain a Mystery

We've all heard the story about how Sir Isaac Newton supposedly discovered gravity by virtue of a falling apple.

Recently I finished David Berlinski's wonderful little book Newton's Gift: How Sir Isaac Newton Unlocked the System of the World.

I like to read physical books because I like to write in the margins.  On page 3, I wrote this at the top of the page: 

Berlinski quotes Newton's biographer, William Stukeley, who in 1662 after dinner with Newton, retired with Newton to the garden and drank tea under the shade of some apple trees. Berlinski quotes Stukeley:

Amidst other discourse, he told me he was in the same situation [sitting in the garden under the shade of the apple trees] when the notion of gravitation came into his mind. It  was occasioned by the fall of an apple as he sat in a contemplative mood. Why should that apple always descend perpendicularly to the ground, thought he to himself. Why should it not go sideways or upwards, but constantly to the earth's center?

Berlinski then writes:

I have always understood the apple to have fallen on Newton's head with an invigorating boink; but I may have been misinformed. Stukeley clearly has Newton looking at the apple as it fell; but the charming thing about the story...is that like all good stories, it seems to contain a mystery at the core of its narrative marrow, the falling apple followed by a thought-inducing boink still retaining all of its old and troubling suggestiveness. An apple? Falling? Yes, but why downward? 

Why did the apple fall down and not sideways or up? Such a question is the mystery at the core of all good narratives. It's the story question. In Newton's case the answer changed the world of science, mathematics, philosophy, and industry.

---

The answer to the mystery at the core of your story must also change the world...not just for your protagonist, who has changed most dramatically, but also for your audience.

Can a farm boy from a desolate planet save the galactic rebels from an evil empire?

How can a young man save his mermaid girlfriend from the murderous government?

Can a devoutly religious, conscientious objector serve in Hitler's army?

Can a spider save a pig from slaughter?

Of course, these are all known too as story hooks...and the answer should be enlightening as well as ironic and intriguing. 

This reminds me of Gerry Mooney's Gravity poster, which I've cited before. 


Just as Isaac Newton's Law of Gravity cannot be ignored without negative consequences, so a storyteller cannot ignore the law of an intriguing and ironic story hook with a reasonable answer that changes the world of the protagonist and audience. 

Finally, as an apple passes before us, Newton's gravitational FORCE that causes two material objects to attract each other, and which keeps the moon in orbit about the earth, and the earth in orbit about the sun, et al...that FORCE, which is an intrinsic characteristic of all material objects, is not material itself. As Berlinski reminds us, 

Newtonian forces cannot be grasped at all. They act invisibly; they act at a distance; and they act at once. It is only their trace in matter than can be detected...we cannot directly observe or measure the force that controls them. That remains a real but inaccessible feature of the world.

The same is true of the emotional forces (moral values) in a story that motivate people (your characters) to say and act as they must do to create drama. Characters do not really battle against other human beings or even against the physical forces of nature. Oh, they do in an explicit way, but what causes them to move and act are not material forces, but the forces of moral values that cannot be grasped at all. Moral values act invisibly; they act at a distance; and they act at once. It is only their trace in matter (the lives of others, for instance) that can be detected. That remains a real feature of the world of narratives, and is what makes stories connect with audiences. 

Sunday, August 25, 2024

Mystery, Muse, and Motivation

 "The mark of a true writer with inspiration from God...voices in your head...visions in your mind." 

That's what Pam, my wife, wrote to a screenwriter friend of ours in Los Angeles who thought she had "lost it." The screenwriter had written to us: "I'm back!" after having difficult over the last few months "feeling" her characters' emotions, or "hearing" their conversations. "I wasn't able to 'watch' the film," she explained.

But she was back and being productive again. 

As a writer of narrative fiction you definitely have the need to psychologically engage with your characters and the story’s diegesis (the created world of your story) before you begin to write. How one gets to that point I suppose is a mystery. You may call it inspiration or intrigue. Perhaps it's a personal tragedy, or a deep unrest about a value that you see is out of balance with society that you want to change. That of course gets back to the conflict of values and the moral premise concept. It involves a desire that is rooted in your moral values to communicate some ideal that grows out of a disturbing personal experience.

Such an emotion gives you the power and imagination to write. The mechanics of ow that happens may be a total mystery to you, that is you can't always recreate the motivation at will. Some writers, however, do understand the source of their motivation and are able to channel it into a work. Others are motivated for reasons they cannot articulate, but nonetheless get to work. 

Maya Hawke as Flannery O'Connor in
"Wildcat" directed by her father, Ethan.
I loved the movie, which is as intriguing as narrative
cinema as Flannery's stories of the South. 

An example comes to mind. I am reading the Complete Short Stories of Flannery O’Connor right now. I’m about halfway through the thick book. Twice I have read her collection of essays on writing titled Mystery and Manners (M&M). There, she is explicit about her motivation, which is definitely a mystery to her.  Unlike most writers, she told her frustrated publishers, “I cannot outline a story. I do not outline. I do not know what’s going to happen until I write it.” Consequently, her stories are often a mystery in themselves. I usually must read several pages of her short stories before I understand what's going on. Some of the stories begin in such an obtuse way you can almost see how the plot is unclear even in Flannery's mind and how it slowly develops and becomes concrete...to the writer. Her stories rarely contain a logical through-line or conventional plot. Thus, some of her stories feel inefficient. Other times they are deeply intriguing. As depicted in the movie Wildcat by daughter and father (Maya and Ethan Hawke), it seems obvious that Flannery would see a strange person (a one-armed man) and be inspired to write a story based on her imagination of such an different person who lived in the south in the 1920s, 30s, or 40s. She had a creative affinity to people she labeled "freaks," no doubt because "To the hard of hearing you shout, and for the almost-blind you draw large startling figures." (M&M) In M&M she writes that to Northerners such stories were "grotesque," but to Southerns they were simply "realistic."  Thus, her inspiration came from observation of real life that intrigued her, which then caused her to research, investigate and write something that satisfied her gothic, Catholic, Southern muse. 

Of course, the whole concept of a muse is mysterious, isn’t it? Going back to my book, The Moral Premise, I believe a writer's muse is ultimately motivated out of an imbalance between our personal moral values and what we see around us that does not reflect what we think is important and we want to change it and we believe that writing a story is the best way to communicate our ideal. I am sure that is not true of every writer. 

There's a YouTube clip of George Carlin talking about Native American Indians. Of course it’s funny. But the comedic tenor of the clip is rooted in the contradictions he's noticed between the words we use and historical reality. That contradiction comes out of his values of wanting to tell the truth.  Telling the truth, of course is related to goodness and beauty. And so the historic trilogy of goodness, truth, and beauty are ultimately the motivations a writer uses to do their work. 

OK that’s enough. I need to get out of bed and get to work. 


Friday, July 19, 2024

Elements of Valid Propositions and Arguments

This post was motivated by recent experiences in the comment threads of social media on Instagram. While this blog is mostly about long-form narratives in movies, plays or novels, social media posts and their related comments apply.

Why?

Because, all human communication is some form of storytelling, which I argue in The Moral Premise is intended to communicate moral values from one generation to the next.

For me, this means all communication enters into the arena of persuasion ... and necessarily involves the presentation of propositional statements (or premises). Such premises are often in the form of opinions intended to support or oppose a conclusion, which ultimately is a moral value or moral premise. 

In this post, I want to argue that such propositional statements or premises (in the form of opinions) will be more persuasive if they are supported by established facts, substantiated evidences, and logical reasons

Opinions without the support of established facts, substantiated evidences, and logical reasons are useless fodder ... in my opinion,

Was that opinion useless fodder? Let me provide some "reasons" that I hope you'll accept. 

 ---------------

Social Media comment threads (e.g. Instagram, Twitter, or Facebook) are the worse place to conduct meaningful discussions, especially when the original post articulates an idea that is seemingly uninformed and unsubstantiated. 

Here are some helpful suggestions for for making such territory less "worse" as long as the  platform allows more than 260 characters, which eliminates X. 

1. Restate the sentence or idea posted earlier to which you are replying.  Assume that whoever reads your reply or comment did not see what came before. Your reply should stand alone since it's not likely to follow chronologically on the thread.

2. Always substantiate your opinions with reference citations.  Let us know the origin of your idea or opinion. Help us validate (or invalidate) your comment by providing the facts, evidences, or reasons for your comment.

3. Do the research (e.g. work) to ensure your citations reach back to their original source, and are not just the opinion of another person later in time. For example, when arguing about the practices of a historical institution in the first century, such as the Catholic Church, find and cite the institution's charter from that time or an explanation of the practice or belief from one of the founders, or someone who lived at the time such as an Early Church Father (plenty of their writings are on-line).  Quoting or citing an original source document from 70 A.D. or 389 A.D., is better than citing an author or theologian in the 19th or 20th century. 

4. Use your real name, not an obscure label. This will enhance your credibility and help dismiss the idea that you're a bot from a Korean social media farm that exists for the sole purpose of gaining likes or followers. Be authentic. 

The following four critical points are drawn from T. Edward Damer's books (multiple editions)  Attacking Faulty Reasoning, 4th Edition. This book played a critical role in my doctoral research and my subsequent Hollywood story-structure book The Moral Premise: Harnessing Virtue and Vice for Box Office Success which this blog is about. 

Damer's Good Argument Four Criteria

5. THE RELEVANCE PRINCIPLE. The premise, data, or information you propose in support of your conclusion must be directly and clearly related to the issue at hand. 

6. THE ACCEPTABILITY PRINCIPLE. The premise, data, or information you propose should attempt to use reasons that are mutually acceptable to your opposition. 

7. THE SUFFICIENCY PRINCIPLE. The premise, data, or information you propose in support of your conclusion should attempt to provide reasons that are sufficient in number, kind, and weight to support the acceptance of your conclusion. 

8. THE REBUTTAL PRINCIPLE. Your argument should attempt to  provide an effective rebuttal to the strongest and most serious challenges from the opposing side. 

In Conclusion:

Doing all of this will be difficult if not impossible this side of a book-long treatment. But all valid attempts to follow these suggestions, even in social media com boxes, will improve each  of us and society as a whole to think reasonably and reject unfounded ideologies 



Friday, July 5, 2024

Ethan and Maya Hawke - Movies for Dads and Daughters

 I'm looking forward to Ethan and Maya Hawke's movie about Flannery  O'Connor, WILDCAT. Letterbox asked them to interview each other and talk about the movies they watched together as Maya grew up, and what they liked and learned from them. The episode is only 21 minutes long (it's been tightly edited) and is immensely watchable. I liked it very much. Their excitement and learning from movies is palatable.  (LINK BELOW)

 







https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6vH0YshPRRA


Also, with a deep, deep dive into the meaning behind the movie WILDCAT here is a wonderful, and long, interview with Bishop Barron...Understanding Flannery. Link below.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y5syAnrbYC0

Tuesday, June 25, 2024

ALIENS IN THE ATTIC: Diluted Hero

ALIENS IN THE ATTIC (2009) PG

I would appreciate your telling me of typos or confusing paragraphs. 

A group of kids must protect their vacation home and the world from invading aliens.

Director: John Schultz
Writers: Mark Burton and Adam Goldberg
Producer: Barry Josephson

Budget: $45M
Gross US: $25M
Gross WW: $57M

STARRING
Carter Jenkins (Tom)
Austin Butler (Jake)
Ashley Tisdale (Bethany)
Ashley Boettcher (Hannah)
Doris Roberts (Nana)
Robert Hoffman (Ricky)
Kevin Nealon (Stuart)

A filmmaker friend asked my opinion of Aliens in the Attic (AITA), so Pam and I watched, then I watched it again taking notes and timings.  

First Impressions

AITA was an expensive effort at creating a fun family fare...or flick...a sci-fi comedy that no doubt took inspiration from Close Encounters of the Third Kind, Signs, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, and a host of alien invasion stories. 


I was most amazed at the editing, the shot coverage, the propping and sets. 


Bethany and Hanna hid from Dad, but not really

Thematically, AITA focuses on the importance of family, authority, and teamwork. The film attempted at digs at people who were addicted to computers, game boys, and other electronic devices, but it failed.  The father, Stuart Pearson, wanted to re-establish relationships with his children because computers et al got in the way. So he forces them on a family to leave Illinois for a vacation to Michigan (the movie was shot in New Zealand) to get away from all the electronic garbage. But irony gets in the way. It was his children's and nephew's skills at game controllers that saved his family and the world from invading space aliens. (That is not a spoiler.)


Robert Hoffman, Bethany's egocentric boyfriend was goof-ball amazing—a new Jim Carrey, I suppose. 


But I was at a loss to find a consistently applied moral premise that kept the story together about one thing. 


Why AITA Failed to Connect?


This post goes along with my other critiques of Failed B.O. Movies although it has a lot going for it—budget, interesting characters, good acting (for a comedy), direction, photography, and digital effects and computer animation matched with live action.  But here is the short list of failures that audiences require if word of mouth marketing is to succeed:


L-R: Tom, Art, Lee, Hannah, Jake, Bethany
1. There is no central protagonist or hero with whom the audience can emotionally invest, although the movie begins from Tom's POV and we are told in dialogue that Tom is the team's leader. Rather the group of kids are promoted as multiple protagonists. And yet they don't transform as protagonists should.


2. But Tom's nature is mostly passive. His goal is often distracted, and Jake takes up the cause. In fact, Jake at times tells Tom what to do. 


3. We are told through action and dialogue that Tom is somewhat of a genius and a mathlete. Early on Tom hacks his school's computer to change his grades, but Tom does not use his skills at math (i.e. higher intelligence) to defeat the aliens. 


4. The actions that prevent the invasion mostly do not originate from Tom (the "brainic,") but come from his proactive cousin Jake, his much younger cousins, twins Art and Lee who master game controllers, his younger sister Hannah who's good at relationships with strangers, and at the very end by the rookie alien (Sparks) who is the one who chases off the invading spaceships. Thus, any emotional investment we make in Tom is diluted by other cast members who often do the heavy lifting and initiate the reversals. The story thirsts for a MacGyver who we can root for.


5. Tom's transformation is sudden at at the very end. From the middle's Moment of Grace we should see Tom struggle with obstructions that slowly transform his attitude, and thus allow him to slowly achieve the goal.


Alien controls Ricky's mind and body

6. The goal is a negative goal...to prevent the aliens from invading the earth. The problem with negative goals is legendary—they are fulfilled at the beginning of the movie, thus movie is over. In the case of AITA, the aliens NEVER invade earth. A positive goal would be to overturn the alien occupation of earth. With a positive goal the audience can see the progress and cheer at every milestone toward the end. But with a negative goal, the audience cannot cheer at any point for there are no milestones as there are clearly evident with positive goals. 


7. The structural staging and turning points are weak (7-14). AITA begins well with a well developed and concise LIFE BEFORE. The INCITING INCIDENT (ideally at 12.5%) is at 17% when the aliens land on the roof of the house and the TV goes "haywire." Shortly there after Tom REJECTS THE JOURNEY to repair the TV dish or defend his siblings or parents from the aliens, whom he meets on the roof. But at 31% into the story, the cross over into Act 2, Tom reasons that the non-adult children (Tom, Jake, Art, Lee, and Hannah) are "the only option, although it is the twins who makes the point that the mind control darts don't work on kids, and it's Jake that concludes: "But we can still fight back."  


8. There may be a Moment of Grace. After that, however, there is not clear Moment of Grace for Tom where he has a revealing awareness of what they're battling (a value that changes their efforts) that is different than what they already know. Although as a gang, Hannah discovers at 54% that Sparks is friendly and that changes her attitude, and eventually everyone else's, and it is Sparks that chases of the invasion. This definitely acts as a MOG but not for the POV character, Tom.


9. There is a weak Act 2 Climax (Near Death or Faux Ending). No one actually is physically near death, but after Nana and Ricky fight and destroy the hall, Stu arrives and reprimands Tom and the kids for destroying the house and sends them upstairs. It's that  that Tom says, "I'm sorry, guys. It's over...an entire fleet of those guys are about to invade." 


Nana Zombie battles with Ricky Zombie

10. The Dark Night of the Soul is all too sort as Hannah, Art, Lee (and Bethany, now) encourage Tom to still be their leader. He agrees with a zoom into his face and a music cue, which establishes a Resurrection Beat. But it's weak because it doesn't come with any NEW revelation that gives them new hope. And it follows with Tom venturing into the basement with Spark's potato gun (not the potato gun that Tom made, but one made by someone smarter, an adolescent alien. No cheers for Tom. )


11. The Final Incident is strong. It's exactly where it should be at 87.5% when the normally small aliens are able to transform into gigantic aliens. 


12. Preparations for the Final Battle and the Final Hand to Hand Combat well occupy the last 12.5% of the movie, except the story and action only partially focuses on Tom. Clearly it was the writers' intent to create an ensemble protagonist, which dilutes our emotional connection to a single personality. 


13. The Act 3 Climax is anything but a climax although it is perfectly situated at 95%. The spaceship fleet arrives and descends to earth. It is distant and just a collection of pretty white lights. The hand-to-hand combat that we might expect is conducted by these distant lights and Spark's small squeaky voice "Retreat. Retreat. The machine is destroyed. We have been outsmarted by the humans." 


14. The Denouement is also perfectly positioned at 97.5% when the adults are clueless about the battle in the backyard and think all the lights in the sky was the meteor shower, and finally Ricky makes a fool of himself at Annie's house, because Tom and Bethany control him from the scrubs. Finally the credits begin with a show reel of Robert Hoffman


15. Deus Ex Machina a la Game Controller.  There was a bit of Deus Ex Machina with the kids manipulating people with the game controllers. As opposed to using human ingenuity. Note the game controllers the kids used were from the aliens, not humans. Thus, the story used electronic gadgetry that was, more improbable than possible. Socrates speaks eloquently about how in stories a probable impossibility is better than an improbable possibility. Of course, there's a fine line between those two options. It's up to the writer's craft to show the depth, cleverness and intelligence of the human species. I thought the movie was missing a great deal of human potential, and while funny at times, it’s improbable that electronic gadgetry is going to save the world. It’s more likely that sacrificial human endeavors using gifts, intuition and values that are inbred in the human DNA is going to save the day. So the game controllers end up being the deus ex machina that drops down out of the sky improbably to save the day. 



AITA's reference to M. Night Shyamala’s  movie Signs and the aliens' weakness in that story of water,  was a weak attempt at giving AITA some gravitas. The gravity of water in 
Signs is the whole idea of "Baptism that saves us" from damnation (1 Peter 3:21)...aliens of a fourth kind. The human element involved in Signs is the Bo's (Abigail Breslin) intuition of putting water glasses around the house because she has a premonition that water is important. [Side Note: the similarity of Bo (Abigail Breslin) in Signs to Hanna (Ashley Boettcher) in AITA, and how Bo discovers the salvation of water, and Hanna discovers the salvation found in her friendship with Sparks.


Of course, Signs is clearly a faith story because Rev. Graham Hess (Mel Gibson) is struggling with a loss of faith. The genesis of Hess's character and the water stems from Shyamalanem’s  Catholic education as a child,  although I am sure he did it unconsciously as few of his other stories make any theological sense. I assert that the simple element of water in a glass (no technology) is more human than a game controller.  It might have helped if Tom were to  reprogram the game controllers (with his math and technology skills) so that his siblings and cousins could operate them to control the aliens, and putting Tom and his human DNA at the behest of the story’s resolution. 





16. No clear oversight of a true and consistently applied Moral Premise.  The Moral Premise of a story is a two-sided statement that explains what the story is about at a motivational level. It assumes that all external, physical action is motivated by internal, moral values. That is, the value motivations of the antagonist and protagonist conflict and create the battle. Often the antagonist's values remain the same or turn to a darker vice, but such vices force the protagonist to change values, and seek something better by the end. In AITA the aliens do not change, except for Spark, but the persistence of the humans, and transformation of Sparks (to see the humans as nice), saves the family and the planet. Thus, Sparks transforms, as does Hannah and the others toward Sparks. But there is no transformation of Tom which aids him (or the others) in defeating the aliens. 

Jake and Tom consider their options
with the potato gun.


Oft times in stories, it's the vice the protagonist embraces at the very beginning of the story, that opens the door for the antagonist to attack at the Inciting Incident.  There's no clear indication that the aliens come as a result of Tom's lame attitude about the vacation. Although, a slightly different script might have portrayed the aliens as a personification of Tom's "lame" attitude, and thus the aliens became a metaphor for changing Tom's attitude. That is the epitome of a vice can repulse a protagonist form the vice toward a more virtuous attitude.  But that is not what happens in AITA. 


Instead, the need for the audience to see Tom's redemption ends up as...


17. Gaslighting the Audience


Another way of looking for the Moral Premise is to ask more specifically, "What could be the virtue and vice conflict in AITA?" and how might they be articulated in a moral premise statement? Or, what transformation is evident in the characters from vice to virtue? There are transformations. 


At the very end Tom tells his father, Stuart, that Father Knows Best ("Dad, let me save you the lecture. You were right and I as wrong," and Tom decides to enjoy fishing with the family. But there is no slow, observable, learning or transformation. Tom's change is sudden with the fixing of the tangled fishing reel (a repeated metaphor motif of the family's situation). 


And there's no logical connection between his father's desire to get Tom away from technology, when in fact it was technology that saved the family and the world. So Stu could not have been right. Stu was in fact wrong. It was the kids' knowledge of technology (and game controllers) that saved the family. By telling Stu he was right, Tom sanitizes the plot, lies to the audience, and patronizes the "family" movie critics. 


Subliminally, audiences are not gullible enough to such a gas pipe (gas lighting, as Jakes makes such the passing reference about Ricky "What a gas pipe.") 


Thus, Tom's sudden transformation at the end rings hollow, and audiences "feel" a cognitive dissonance. It's just not true. Based on the story alone, not reality or natural law, Dad was wrong about technology, Ricky, fixing Ricky's car, the relationship between Ricky and  Bethany, the thermostat, and Tom's guilt at wrecking the hallway. There are times was Stuart and his wife Nina were very aware of what the kids were up to, and were right, but they were ever clueless about the aliens and the battle for what was right.


Based on the first few minutes of the movie, the Moral Premise could have been:

Human technology destroys family relationships; but sanitized human interaction heals relationships.

But that is not what the movie proves. Instead AITA suggests the truth (a false truth) is this:

Human technology destroys family relationships; but alien technology saves it

...or something like that. 

Another theme that might resonate as false with the audience is:

Advanced technology can save the world; but gaslighting can save the family.

You see, at the end, Tom has become like Ricky...the bad boy. Tom is gaslighting his Dad, patronizing Stuart, telling him that Father knows best, when the audience knows just the opposite it true. But the attitude, tone, lighting, music, all other aspects of the Father-Son talk on the steps, give evidence that the filmmakers are gaslighting the audience by sanitizing the ending, and telling a lie.

That's just another reason why AITA failed at the BO.